Mia: Minsan nga nai-imagine ko magkausap yung dalawa e kasi para silang magka-holding hands.
Allan: Ohh... Eh anong sinasabi nila sa isa't isa…?
Mia: Hmm, "Masaya ako kasi kasama kita..."
Allan: "Ako rin..." Sabi noong isa sa isa.

(I Miss You Like Crazy, 2010)

i miss you. terribly...

Eulogy

Socorro Capellan-Marcaida.

They said you died a sweet death, I wasn't surprised. Naalaa ko nung huli tayong nagkita, lagi kang kumakanta and you always wear that toothless funny smile -- you were already bedridden by then.

You've always been strong-willed. Imagine a lola traveling alone in her 60's. Ayaw nyo pa ngang subuan ko kayo kahit nahihirapan na kayong umupo 'non. Sabi nyo pa saken "I can manage." E kaya naman pala inglessero din ako. Nakuha ko pala sa inyo.

Hanggang sa mga huling oras nyo, nagbibiro pa daw kayo. That funny look you gave to Tita Bing when she said that she's your prettiest daughter, that would remain a classic. I just confirmed where I get my sense of humor.

Few days before you left, you asked my tita's to prepare you a dress. A white dress. They knew the time was near. Thanks for your creative way of telling us that it was near. And yeah, you looked good in the white dress. Impeccable taste.

The last time we saw each other, you didn't recognize me anymore. Ilang beses tayong nagpakilalanan. Sabi mo alam mong may apo kang si Jun-jun na anak ni Nonoy pero di mo na matandaan ang mukha ko. Naiintindihan ko po. Siguro mas pogi na ako nung nakita nyo ako.

Nagdala ako ng camera nung last kitang binisita. Sabi ko may memory man lang ako, baka last na nga nating pagkikita. Then I decided not to have a picture of us together. That was not the lola I wanna remember. The last kiss you gave me was the sweetest. And you said "I love you," too.

When my tita's told you that you should rest already, you replied, "Sa langit?" And then you just closed your eyes. Sweet death indeed.

I'll sure miss you Lola Sosing...



My little homage to my Lola Sosing. She died two years ago. I wrote this a week after her burial and posted it in my multiply page. 

Internal Breakdown


Halos one month na after matapos ang mango supply chain project namin at andami ko natutunan professionally at, well, academically na din kasi para uli akong nagkaka-crash course araw-araw tungkol sa postharvest at tungkol sa mangga. Then I thought, ano naman ang natutunan ko on a personal level. Ibig kong sabihin, yung mga sinasabi nating lessons in life. Happily, meron naman pala.

Backgrounder muna. Two most common postharvest diseases ng mangga ay stem-end rot at anthracnose. Yun yung nakikita nyong itim-itim na parang dalmatian spots sa mangga kapag nahihinog na. Isang solution dito ang hot-water treatment. Ang ginagawa dito ay nilulubog ang mangga sa mainit na tubig (48-55ºC) at a certain period of time at macocontrol na ang dalawang postharvest diseases na binanggit ko ng up to 100%.

Ngayon may problema. Kapag ang mangga ay hinarvest ng immature at dumaan sa hot water treatment. Nagkakaroon ng defect ang laman ng mangga. Ganito itsura nya:

Internal breakdown ang tawag dito. Ang pangit diba? Pero kung titingnan mo yan ng hindi pa "na-babaak" (like divide it into two, you know, dalawa), yung intact pa si ripe mango, normal na normal ang itsura, mukhang masarap kainin.

Two lessons learned:

Una, don't take things (and people na din) at face value. Ang maturity ay makikita sa mga "breaking" situations. Dun mari-reveal what we really are made of.

Pangalawa, hindi dapat ipinipilit ang mga bagay-bagay kapag hindi pa panahon kasi panget ang kinalalabasan. Nasisira ang magandang design.

I tenkyu. Bow!



Scavenged from multiply.com, posted it there 18 July 2008. 

Retrospect


I haven't been using multiply.com for a long time and i decided to pay a visit. I realized that my it is now a lonely planet since facebook took over my virtual social life. I scavenged through my old files (which also reminded me of many good old memories as i recalled the stories behind the posts). I found some worth-sharing so decided to put them in this blog. I might not be posting stuff in multiply anymore since most, if not all, of my friends already "migrated" to facebook.

If it interests you, click the picture below to visit my multiply page.

Dada


I missed the typhoon in Los Baños. I was in Pampanga last night to attend a ministry activity there. Except for the heavy downpour, which is becoming normal nowadays, it was just a normal wet weather there.

I am not going to talk about typhoon Basyang today, you'll read it in the news. I just wanna share how I was blessed with the conversation that I had last night with one of my best brothers in the ministry. We talked until 2:00 AM sharing about what the Lord has been doing in our lives recently and how are we doing in our walk with God. His is a more exciting one. He shared his devotional notes with me (he said I was the first time that he shared his notes to somebody else) and I, too was thrilled with how clear and consistent the Lord is speaking to him lately about some promises and admonitions. We shared prayer requests (amidst the blackout) and we ended praying for one another (which we usually do) before we retired. One of his prayer requests was to buy a new motorbike.

I just realized how blessed I am for having Godly friends like Da. One whom you won't hesitate to open your life with and whom you won't be ashamed to accept rebuke from. Friends whom you can share your frailties and joys and the nonsense things. Forging such kind of bond with other guys is rare as we are more keen in keeping our emotions and vulnerabilities to ourselves. We dare not to expose them because it's a sign of weakness. But that's not necessarily true. Sometimes, admitting that you are weak and vulnerable is a display of bravery and humility and honesty. And those are virtuous traits.

Drought


“Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. You will drink from the brook, and I have ordered the ravense to feed you there.” (1 Kings 17:3-4)

While it's true that the Lord lets the sun shine for both the good and evil, He however grants special favor to His children.

It was a time when the Israelite's rebellion and wickedness went over the top and the Lord decided to teach them a lesson. There will be a long famine in the land but the faithful Elijah, He spared.

The passage reminded me of few things. That amidst the spiritual drought in this world, the Lord sets His children apart and he provides their needs, even in the most unconventional way possible.

Elijah practically received a special treatment from the Lord that he lacked nothing. He was provided Kerith Ravine as shelter and when everyone else craved for water, Elijah drank from the brook. Unlimited supply, at that. And ravens, yes ravens, provided Elijah with food day and night! Elijah had meat and bread. And let me say it again, from ravens!

It's just amazing how God takes care of his children. He provides all the means. Yes, ALL! And that includes the impossible and the inconceivable ways that man's limited mind can think of.

I praise the Lord for bringing me to this passage this morning. It was very timely when after a spiritual high, I noticed that I am heading to a spiritual drought. By drought, I mean I am at the point where I am craving for continuous intimacy with God... where my faithfulness to Him seems to be faltering. I made a few bumps just recently but I thank the Holy Spirit's constant reminder for me to persevere. Thus, His Word for me today is just what I needed and I praise the Lord for His encouragement. And yeah, special favor.



*Notes from my morning devotional today in 1 Kings 17:1-5.

B+

It was my first time to donate blood last Thursday. The thought that a tube will be inserted in my vein to draw blood scared the crap out of me. I tried to build rapport and joke with the nurses who evaluated my fitness to donated blood so as to divert my nervousness. It took about 15 minutes to draw 450 cc of blood in my system. There is a slight pain but it was manageable and the bleeder was friendly.

Speaking of bleeder, the lady nurse handed me a sort of donation card attesting that I gave out blood. In the card was my name, the volume of blood I donated and the name of the bleeder, which reminded me of someone.

By the way, my blood type is B+.

Attention Deficit

Why do people seem to be turning their backs on me? Or perhaps I just don't get the attention that I am expecting. I could be very-self centered, you know. Maybe I just had a bad day or something.

I'm afraid that some insecurities are surfacing again. I think I have been fine the past weeks -- my relationship with God and with people and work has been a real treat. Until some inner tigers start to crouch. Emotions are really unreliable and they should always be confronted by the truth.

On the other hand, I think the Lord is also teaching me to learn to be fully secured in Him. That people are just fleeting source of happiness and encouragement. Expectations can wear a person out but God's word and promises are a source of encouragement. 

I'm blogging again. :)

I have never been so screwed... it's awful.

Regrets

I hate the word. And I am not the type that wallow in regrets. I'm the move-on type. But my complacency (ok, include laziness there) during my undergrad years is taking its toll. It haunts. Major major consequences.

I'm job hunting again. Three job applications within five months and in all three I strut my way to the shortlist only to be rejected. My self-esteem is in its lowest low. I hate self-pity.

There's just so many concerns and it feels like i'm in a box and I'm so limited. I wanna get out.

My discontent is just so awful that I have to let it out in a blog after not blogging for a long while.

Mum

Like a river that runs deep is silent
So as the past days stealthily went

The the father and son reunited
The good old ways and the good old days...
The new pages and the beautiful changes
The mending and the ending

The big gathering
The immense blessing
The higher calling...

The big leap and the great plunge
That, which was finally let out
The uncertainties and the ambiguities
The waiting...
The longing...

Yet again I see great things unfold
The river flows... silenty.

The


The mockingbird and the ultimate
The unexpected invitation
The addition
The surprising swap
The heart-wrenching ride

The excitement of waiting and thrill of things coming
The big leap... would the water be calm or would the waves give their angry welcome?
The randomness of mind the heart that puts color to everything

I wish I can spell them all

Grow Old With You

I'm going to sing this song in my wedding. That's for sure!

KASAMA KANG TUMANDA

Itong awiting ito
Ay alay sayo
Sintunado man to
Mga pangako ko sayo
Ang gusto ko lamang
Makasama kang tumanda

Patatawanin kita
Pag hindi ka masaya
Bubuhatin kita
Pag nirayuma ka na
O kay sarap isipin
Kasama kang tumanda

Ibibili ng balot
Pag mahina na tuhod
Ikukuha ng gamot
Pag sumakit ang likod
O kay sarap isipin
Kasama kang tumanda

Chorus:

Sasamahan kahit kailanman
Mahigit kumulang di mabilang
Tatlumpung araw sa isang buwan
Umabot man tayo sa three thousand one

Magmukha mang bruha
Paggising sa umaga
Pupunasan ko pa ang muta mo sa mata
O kay sarap isipin
Kasama kang tumanda

Paglalaba pa kita
Matapos mamalantsa
Kahit abot abutin
Man ako ng pasma
O kay sarap isipin
Kasama kang tumanda

Chorus:

Sasamahan kahit kailanman
Mahigit kumulang di mabilang
Tatlumpung araw sa isang buwan
Umabot man tayo sa three thousand one

Loves na love parin kita
Kahit bungi bungi ka na
Para akin ikaw parin
Ang pinakamaganda
O kay sarap isipin
Kasama kang tumanda

At nangangako sayo
Pag sinagot mong oo
Iaalay sayo buong puso ko
Sumangayon ka lamang
Kasama kang tumanda

"Kilig"


Call me corny but this movie really fascinated me. It was very light, funny and cutesy and will give you a couple of heart-tickle. You don't have to take it seriously but you'll get few lessons about love and relationship -- like love doesn't count.

Niceties

May latest Mindanao trip was awesome. My most adventurous so far. We went looking for 'Solo' papaya farmers and traders. After two provinces and six towns, we found out that the 'Solo' papaya farms there were almost gone. We will be exploring South Cotabato next.

I met with my long-time friend and my 'inaanak' in Cagayan de Oro City. Time is too short. We were supposed to talk about our coming high school reunion on December but with all the catching up -- the changes in our lives and stuff, we almost forgot about the reunion. Louise, my 'inaanak' is such a charming kid. He enjoyed me carrying him in my shoulders.

Me, Louisse and Shine

That


I dreamt about her all night. It was about that day. I was all so giddy and nervous. In my dream I was asking for advice from a mentor. I have been making preparations. This is it...

Sleep-Walk


Wide awake.

Mind commands body to sleep. Body won't submit. Stubborn.

Juggling the white, red and blue ball. Perfect balance. Perfect throw. Looks like a good show. I think it is but the balls disagree.

I didn't mean to cause your catastrophe. The looming cloud. The pouring rain... the pouring rain. I promise to hush the thunder. I promise you now.

Déjà vu


Weird things happen... It's almost a deja vu. Same story and same characters, but now roles have switched. A story with no victors. A story with a predictable climax and an uncertain conclusion.

That disease. That which "tears not only its prey but also its own raging heart."

It's so the same but so entirely different.

Unexpected.

This will end soon. Soon...