42.195
In four days... The Bull Runner Dream Marathon. I am runner #329.
What is 42.195 km? Let me tell you a story.
Last year was my toughest and craziest ride (this part needs a musical score). Treasured relationships crumbled. Dreams disappeared in thin air just like that. It felt like I was stripped and left alone. Just before I lost my sanity, I found running (though one could argue that it was actually the tipping point, I indeed got crazy). I would hit the road everyday, even day and night, just to get the self-pity and bitter feelings off my head. Long distance running was a catharsis and only a runner would understand what I am saying.
I got to know TBR Dream Marathon from a good friend who ran last year. I have been joining several fun-runs for the past months and the dare came after I ran my 16.8 km. They say that 16 km is the crisis stage of a runner where he/she is at the point of deciding whether to remain as a "fun-runner" or to conquer greater miles, i.e. half or full mary. And so I said, "Yeah, why not?". I took my chances in the marathon/training that sells like pancakes only to be disappointed when the list was released. I wasn't included. After a few days, they announced that they increased the number of "Dreamers" from 500 to 600. My name was in the "chance passengers" list. Boy, I was excited! Then, the six months of training started.
I underestimated the training. It wasn't easy as I thought it was. The (super) long distance part (i.e. 28-32 km runs) of the training gave me cramps and quitting crossed my mind. I started to question my motivations and called myself crazy for trying to put sense in running hours and hours under the scorching heat of the sun or the coldness of the pouring rain (err... that was an exaggeration...it was just a non-stop drizzle, actually). I had those moments when I would feel so sore and can hardly walk after a long run. Three weeks before March 18, I have to see a doctor because there's a funny feeling in my left thingamajig. The doctor told me to rest and stop any strenuous activity for a period of time. I obediently relented, paused my training and took my meds, afraid that situation may worsen and I won't be able to run.
Hilarious as it may sound, I am running my first marathon as a celebration of my sanity. No kidding, I almost lost it. It's almost a year after my "great deluge" and thank God I am now doing alright. Everytime I cross the finish line of the race I am joining, I am reminded of this verse in the Bible that says, "Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."
Deep down inside me, I know this is not just about running. There's a greater message that God is telling me that I still refuse to take a hold of. During my TBR training, they always say that it's not about how you start but how you finish and I think it speaks so much about life. There are cramps and wall and uphills and downhills. But there's also what they call the second wind, where after a point of exhaustion you find a brand new push to go on and get going. I am thrilled to know that even in marathon, there is such thing as redemption. Yeah, life goes on and there are new and challenging roads to take. I can run. I can walk. But quitting is not going to be an option.
