Tuesday, December 02, 2008

What-Should-Not

The Lord is gracious. Downtrodden I was yesterday. This morning, I woke up at 3:00AM to prepare for my message for the youth fellowship tonight. God's comforting arms embraced me me in a loving way unimaginable. I was refreshed.

Yesterday, I was accused of not loving enough. I was harshly called an example of what-should-not... from the very person whom I used to lead. It brought so much pain and left me disdained for hours. I was angry and hurt. I just can't accept it. Such an ungrateful remarks. It just let out the reason for the cold treatment I was getting lately. I might have hurt him before but I thought we have already exchanged forgiveness.

While I was preparing my message about the Second Commandment, God's word pierced me like a double edged sword and left me pondering on three questions. Did I made God for less than who He is? DO I give God the worship that is due Him? Is there anything in my life that tarnishes my intimacy with Him? With these questions are realizations on how I'm living my life lately and my relationship with people.

Then we had our Tuesday devotional time with Kuya Boni. The main point that the Lord has impressed to me is about living in harmony with one another. A harmonious relationship that is based on God's word and not on some cultural traditions like delicadeza. To be humble to one another and accept rebukes. Very timely and fitting.

Today, I resolved to let go of hurts and grudges. I repented of my shortcomings. This is following Christ. Learning day by day. Not always a smooth sail but God always calms the storm. I'm off to another phase of THE journey.

Friday, November 28, 2008

"Kind but not nice"

Probably one of the most fitting descriptions ever given to me. Jhoanna told me that once but I can no longer the particular instance. She knew that I meant well. She only hoped I said it in a more tender way.

I have no apologies being that. Like I always say, "I don't smother". I say what I need to say. Reacts when I need to. And most of the time, my facial expressions betray me. I am that transparent. My love is tough.

In several instances, people around tell me that that I'm harsh, particularly with words. I don't deny that, though this is particularly true only for people whom I have already established a relationship with. I won't scold strangers, for Pete's sake! Most of the people whom I had an "encounter" appreciated it in the end. Until lately when a person who needs to be corrected got some hard-hitting words from me. For one, I cannot tolerate lies and disobedience. Besides, I have been very diplomatic and tolerant before that. If it's too much, something has to be done.

People close to me know that I could easily burst but they are also aware that I forgive faster that I get angry. I got angry because they were hard-headed and they won't listen. They "remained stiff-necked after many rebukes"!

Correction hurts at the particular instance it's given but if taken positively it builds good character. Most of the things that happen in our lives are outcome of our reactions. Situation doesn't make or break a person, it reveals who he is. Goodness is telling a person that he is wrong because he indeed is.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Sad Clown

These days are a whirlwind. Circus' in town. The clown doesn't have a choice. He's in. Faking smiles. Starting laughter. But inside of him, some venom's creeping again. Antidote is at hand but refuses to take it. How soon will the show ends? Will it ever end?

The clown's juggling the balls. He wants to stop but he's at it for a while.


Say how's the weather, so I look out the window
To brighten my soul, but I can't control the rain
That keeps falling
Smile on the outside that never comes in
A comedy, mystery, irony, tragedy
So I scream "let the show begin"

You break me open, turn on the light
Stumble inside with me, with me

Do I entertain you?
Do I preoccupy you with my wit to cover this lie?
Are you mesmerized?
Do you think me faithful, do you think me a clown?
I picked out this shirt, I put on this hat
I wore all this paint just for you

(Sad Clown by Jars of Clay)



Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Vampire

The clock says 1:57 AM. I'm still wide awake. Seems like everyone doesn't want to be my friend, yes, even sleep. Half of the pack of almond kisses I bought is through. I finished the odd movie Sweeney Todd (By golly, I didn't expect it to be like that. But I liked the movie. It's eccentric but in a good way.). I'm chatting with my blocmate from college who is working in graveyard for 5 hours now. No Air, the guy version (Boyce Avenue), is playing continuously on the background. I kinda feel like that... like I can't breath. I'm overwhelmed with a lot of stuff and I want a ceasefire.

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground, to flow to you
There's no gravity to hold me down, for real
...No air...

Monday, November 10, 2008

Broke and Not Happy

I came home this afternoon from work all too tired. I wasn't busy in the office. I know it's a different kind of tiredness...

I'm 26 and I'm broke. So broke. Right now, I only have 40 pesos in my wallet and some coins in my pocket. I have been working for more than a month without pay and without a job contract. I know this is not a rare case, especially if you are working in a government office and in a project-based job. But at this point in my life, I don't know if this should be happening to me. I am living on my own now. Self-sufficient. I have a sister who is doing her thesis, which costs more than my parents can afford. I have to share in her tuition fee. My mother is telling me to go back to the province. She said I'll surely get a job there. I don't know how to explain things to her. I just need a stable job. My boss told me that my appointment is being processed but it will be for three months only. By January, I'll be technically jobless. But I'll continue with the project. I just have to wait for the funding.

It breaks my heart to think that my aging parents still have to worry about financing my sister's schooling. It should be my turn this time. I can't even afford to visit them because primarily of financial constraint. I don't even have savings and my BPI account has just been cut-off because I have exhausted my funds.

This situation just depresses me... to the point of sulking in self-pity. Things are crazy lately. Issues in the training apartment, payables, problems with BS contacts, unresolved conflicts, spiritual dryness... I just don't know which one to deal first. I feel so low right now. I wanna burst. I wanna scream. If only it will ease the burden. But those things just don't work for me.

I'm in utter mess.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Wedding

This is the third time that I'm an emcee for a wedding. This is one thing that I love doing. I like celebrations and the sheer joy of being with people you hold dear and stirring up things for them.

The wedding was a blessing and as a friend puts it, one of the best weddings he has attended. Same goes for me. Why was it one of the bests? Let me count the ways...

  • The couple were both good friends and former housemates of mine and their happiness were infectious.
  • I got to see my Ate Ritchi again after four years. She was right when she said that it was just like yesterday. She fell asleep and she woke up with 3 lovely kids and a husband with a big, and I mean BIG heart. She was the same Ate Ritchi I met her in the cell group 9 years ago.
  • Meg and Claire were stunning!
  • I got to spend time with my Josh my "inaanak, Ate Ritchi's son. He's a no nonsense kid. Talks like a grown up. Also the twins, they are adorable.
  • It was a pool wedding. It rained only before and after, but not during the wedding ceremony. A rainbow appeared as if the sky joins the couple in their celebration. It literally put a color in the celebration.
  • The dance/surprise number was a great way to end the program. It was a crowd stealer and the guests were screaming. "Sige, ikembot..."
  • Someone tripped off the pool during the ceremony but it was handled well. I didn't imagine that it can happen, though.
  • I slept in the same room with the newlyweds. Haha!! We were all tired and I shared the big bed with Ate Ruby. She's on one end and I was on the other end.
Left me thinking... how about when I get married?


Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Just before my lunchbreak...



"i wasn't playing hard to get and my goal is not to grieve a brother's soul and make him worse than he already is. i'm sure you agree that we need to grow individually because clearly we have issues to sort out among ourselves."



Lab Rat

I have two on-going experiments this week. Both are about papaya. This is a not-so-familiar territory for me. I remember during my college days, how I despise lab works. And I got big hands, I'm so clumsy. This is no biggie though for my work-mates who are used to doing lab works and stuff. They just love the lab. I'm a noob and there's a voice in my head that tells me that I can commit a mistake anytime.

Yesterday, I accomplished three major things. I bought papaya in Divisoria, a place I hate because of the heavy traffic and the smell, for my experiment. Then I set them up, which took me about 5 hours -- hot water treatment, 1-MCP, packing, and physico-chemical evaluation. Then I have to lead the worship for the single prof fellowship at 7PM. I was literally in a spin. My knees were trembling at some point, I don't know if because I was tired or because I was hungry.

I'm not sure if I'm liking this lab thing. My boss is insistent that I learn all of these, on my own. Training, yeah. Indeed learning never stops.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Holiday Saturday

Nothing really interesting happened today. It's just a lazy Saturday for me even if a lot of people are having their own little reunions in the cemetery. One thing I like about All Saint's Day are the flowers. It's like Valentine's Day on a November... though the thought is kinda creepy.

I had two movies today. One is a chick-flick whose title is not worth mentioning and the other was City of Angels. I have watched the latter a few times already but I always forget the part where Seth said those lines... "I'd rather have one breath of her hair..."

It's been a while since I had my last frappucino. I had coffee (or blended coffee) with Macky today at the rowdiest coffee shop in Los Baños. Their coffee is good but the place is so noisy, not to mention the very limited space. Those bunch of kids playing cards and screaming and cursing are just detestable!

That's all for today. I still have to decide if I'm going shopping with Ate Donna tomorrow. I don't know if I have to buy a new suit for the wedding next Saturday. I'm dead broke. But I sure need a hair cut.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Sparks

I had three Nicholas Sparks this week. I watched Nights in Rodanthe last weekend and last night I had A Walk to Remember and The Notebook this morning. I liked all three movies but I was moved by The Notebook big time! Talking about love that endures. The I-wanna-grow-old-with-you kind of stuff.


Now I remember someone with these lines from The Notebook:

Noah: Would you just stay with me?

Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we are always fighting!

Noah: Well that's what we do. We fight. You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a b**** and I tell you when you're being pain in the ass, which you are, 99% of the time! I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. They have like a two-second rebound rate and you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing!

Allie: So what?

Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. And we're gonna have to work at this everyday. But I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you forever, you and me everyday... Will you do something for me? Please... Will you just picture your life for me? 30 years from now? 40 years from now? What it's like?

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Terminal

ter·mi·nal

Pronunciation:
\ˈtərm-nəl, ˈtər-mə-nəl\
Function:
adjective
Etymology:
Latin terminalis, from terminus


Whew! After countless and painstaking revisions, our terminal report for the mango supply chain was finalized. Done. Through. Finished. Papaya is saying "hello" now.

It's midweek and there are still a lot to do. Let me list them down.

  1. Prepare the protocols for my papaya experiment. One for 1-MCP and another regarding TSS decrease.
  2. Schedule trip to Divisoria to purchase 'Solo' papayas.
  3. Prepare materials/equipment needed for the experiment.
  4. Refresh myself about gas chromatograph and learn FID. (Nose-bleeding now?)
  5. Finalize the program for Kuya A and Ate Weng's wedding. I'll be MC'ing the program with Ate Donna.
  6. Make a proposal regarding the activities for the youth this coming LA National Conference (I'll be the youth network coordinator). Meeting with the committee heads this weekend.
Busy week it is.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Again... :-(

Just today, we had one of those heated chats...
me: you are entitled to your own opinion
me: i'm entitled to mine, too
her: okay, at least now i know how this relationship works
me: a ganun?
me: this conversation should go as far as defining our relationship?
her: because you don't wanna be reproved. its not that i'm a better person than you are pero you are so hard on this that you don't even want to consider that you are probably wrong. you are making an indication that this is how this relationship works; you are entitled to your own opinion and so am i and so back off. now where is accountability in that..

Darn! I know she has a point but that thing called pride doesn't want me to admit it.

Chef

I'm wearing my new shirt. I have been wanting to buy this for months now. I wanted is as mush as I wanted to be a chef!


Work again. Tuesday morning. Yesterday my boss asked me to look for references regarding papaya stuff. If we can find a 'Solo' papaya plantation, I might start doing my own laboratory experiment this week. I'm a bit excited but at the same time I'm asking myself if this is the kind of work I wanna be doing for the next few years. I don't know. But I'm stuck here right now.

Been waiting for a call regarding the job application I submitted last week. Maybe I should wait no longer. The job is for an magazine. Maybe I come short of their requirements. Yes, in the mean time I'm stuck here in my work.

I don't have a contract yet. The last one just ended last September 20. Almost a month now of working without salary, or worse, without any legal proof that I am in a job.

Whew! Manic Tuesday?

All I know right now is today, I'm Mr. Chef.

Friday, October 24, 2008

TGIF

The long week is over. I feel tired. My back is going to break anytime. I'm happy though. I have accomplished a lot today, and yes, I have been useful this week.

I went to the office early, like 7:30 AM because I'll be assisting some thesis students in visiting some farms. There were three of them. First, we went to a small banana plantation to spray some chemicals to some banana fruits. It was fun. we crossed a river through a shaky bridge made of bamboo. I enjoyed it so much. Reminds me of my high school escapades. The place was so rural. The people are nice. Their life is so simple.

By 11:00 AM we were looking for an ampalaya farm. We needed a farm that could produce 120 ampalayas in one harvesting time. Good thing we found one. It's near an eggplant plantation of 5 hectares. I've never seen an eggplant farm that big in my entire life. Under the scorching heat of the sun, we tagged the ampalayas and we were so hungry.

Next stop was Kambingan Sa Tiaong. Goat? Are you kidding me? Very cheap though. But I didn't order any goat recipe. I had "lechon kawali" for lunch. And a lot of soft drinks! Three, I repeat, three kinds of softdrinks did I consume this lunch - Mirinda, Mountain Dew and Pepsi. Though I'm a fan of Coca Cola.

I was recharged. But here comes sleep hunger. We still have to scout for a papaya plantation. And if I get lucky, I'll be buying 'Solo' papaya for my own little experiment. We found a papaya
farm but no 'Solo' papaya. It's not commonly grown in this part of the country. My experiment is then deferred for next week.

We're back at the office by 2:45 PM. I have yet to finish the revisions for our terminal report. Darn that mango terminal report! But I want it done so I could move on with my new-found love -- papaya. My boss was nice today. She told me to just submit what I could finish for the day and she'll take care of the rest. I wanted hug her when she said that.

My best reward for the hard day's work? Three slices of pizza!! Thanks Daph for the treat. And oh, I had two glasses of Pepsi again. How's that for soda overload?

Weekend, oh weekend. I can't rest yet. 70-kgs of mangoes need to be irradiated tommorow. I'll be helping Ate Madel with that. But here's the catch, we'll watch movie while waiting for the irradiated mamgoes. I have Nights At Rodanthe in my mind right now.

In the meantime, we'll troubleshoot Blue, the defective Inspiron 1526.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Back At It

Almost a year now since my last scribble.

I'm in Horeb. All alone. Sem-break now for most of the students. I don't know where Papu is, he's my only housemate for the break, as usual.

I have Ate Madel's notebook for five days now. It's keeping me awake and online for the past nights. I brought our terminal report home. I'm supposed to revise it. Again. For the nth time. The bosses don't seem to be contented with the content (no pun intended). I'm too lazy to put my hands on it. Later.

I had my first decent dinner for the week. Alone. I like it though. I mean being alone. I missed KFC so off I went and had my favorite spicy mongolian chicken.

Today's highlight? I left my phone at home when I went to the office. I first thought I lost it. My 3-year old Motorola E398 with the recently failed mini-subwoofer. I love my phone. Back to the story. When I get back from the office, the first thing I did was to look for it. It was under my pillow. I sent two text messages and on the third time, I can send no more. The last time I checked my balance, I have 200+ on my credit. I thought Globe is having some issues again. Checked my balance and it's 0.44 cents. Crap! It can't be. Unless someone else used it. Checked my last call. Somebody called "freak1" on my phonebook. The call was made at 5:18 AM for 29 minutes and 30 seconds. This "freak1" has been in my phonebook for a long time now. I don't know who he/she is. I just kept the number after he/she sent me text messages but won't introduce him/herself. Freak indeed. Answered the call and never hung up.

Lesson learned. Erase unknown people in my inbox. Accidentally calling them is not an impossibility. I lost 200+ today.

Gotta power nap and I'll get back to my teerminal report.