Broke and Not Happy

I came home this afternoon from work all too tired. I wasn't busy in the office. I know it's a different kind of tiredness...

I'm 26 and I'm broke. So broke. Right now, I only have 40 pesos in my wallet and some coins in my pocket. I have been working for more than a month without pay and without a job contract. I know this is not a rare case, especially if you are working in a government office and in a project-based job. But at this point in my life, I don't know if this should be happening to me. I am living on my own now. Self-sufficient. I have a sister who is doing her thesis, which costs more than my parents can afford. I have to share in her tuition fee. My mother is telling me to go back to the province. She said I'll surely get a job there. I don't know how to explain things to her. I just need a stable job. My boss told me that my appointment is being processed but it will be for three months only. By January, I'll be technically jobless. But I'll continue with the project. I just have to wait for the funding.

It breaks my heart to think that my aging parents still have to worry about financing my sister's schooling. It should be my turn this time. I can't even afford to visit them because primarily of financial constraint. I don't even have savings and my BPI account has just been cut-off because I have exhausted my funds.

This situation just depresses me... to the point of sulking in self-pity. Things are crazy lately. Issues in the training apartment, payables, problems with BS contacts, unresolved conflicts, spiritual dryness... I just don't know which one to deal first. I feel so low right now. I wanna burst. I wanna scream. If only it will ease the burden. But those things just don't work for me.

I'm in utter mess.